Yes, I know it may be a bit too early for that, but, seeing the events that passed me by the past week, I felt I needed to get a few things straight with myself, and immediately. I’ve been doing some backtracking of late, and the things that flow through my head isn’t exactly stuff I’d like to see myself doing. In fact, it’s getting me all EMO. Ew.
I mean, I’m getting all depressed just thinking about it. What better than to blog my thoughts here?
I have been slacking like never before this week. Either that, or I have finally reaised the severity of my actions (or rather, lack of actions) after a deep remniscing under my blankets, as I lie in my bed with my eyes to the ceiling one night. For most of the past days of my vacatons, I’ve spent majority of my time holed up with the computer, doing what I do everyday, except with more intensity (I hope this word is acceptable for use here), only because I have the time to do it. As such, I’ve done it to such an extent that whenever I’d log on to my forums I’d find that nobody had replied to my posts yet (goes to show how frequent I ‘frequent’ these forums), and this in turn gets me all impatient, and whenever I’m impatient I’d go downstairs and raid the fridge for something to eat. And that means hogging all the little tidbits, fruits, milk, juice, and even cold water that’s in there. Looking back, I realised I’ve become no better than a freeloader in the house. And that gets me down. (As you might already know, I tend to be sensitive about these little things.)
I’ve earlier planned to meet up with friends and complete my holiday homework by this week. Till today, I have done nothing of the sort.
I’ve made arrangements to send all my good friends around the globe a postcard apiece to wish them a merry Christmas. This had been thought of since the beginning of last week. Getting my contact’s home addresses were easy enough, but I could never get myself to haul my butt outdoors and find a Christmas tree I could snap a picture of me standing beside with my Canon camera, till only 2 days ago. And my Selphy postcard printer had run out of ink, meaning I’ve only been able to send 2 postcards off, while I await an opportunity to grab another ink cartridge.
I have a ‘job’ at my dad’s shop at Dhoby Ghaut station, at the far corner of a little junction known as Dhoby Xchange. The sad part to this is, hardly anybody comes by to even browse at the windows of the shop, and that leaves me extremely bored. So bored, I’d lock the doors of the shop and head off to Plaza Singapura shopping mall for nearly an hour, gallivanting and shirking my duties. I feel guilty that I’m even paid to do this job.
You know, when misery hits you, it tends to throw a 1-2 punch. The ‘2’ to all this depression is that, when I look around, I see people who’ve carved deep niches for themselves, who’ve succeeded in the things they do, who better me in terms of performance, who are renowned for what they do. Famous voice actors, successful anime creations, forum admins, DrumMania experts, blogger-reviewers. I compare myself to them, and agree that I’m no more than a midget as compared. So, I asked myself, why is this so? Then I said to myself, it’s only because the world is unfair. It only offers opportunities for certain people to shine in these areas (and very often these people have the money I don’t), and leaves nothing for the rest. Now, I tell myself, it’s merely for the fact that I don’t got the freakin’ mentality to be what they are, to go the miles they’ve covered, to toil like how they work. I’m a slacker at heart, and a procrastinator, at that. And a lazy ass, at that that.
Procrastination is my biggest concern here. I am very concerned about it, and I desperately want to remove it from my attitude, my behaviour, my character.
Just this afternoon, a friend had asked me to add his Friendster account to mine. I was clearly very free, and I was doing nothing at all in the computer save for playing a casual game of Solitaire, but I lied to him and said I was playing an Online game and I would do it later when he pestered me about it.
When he asked the second time, I finally hauled my ass up, logged into my Friendster, and sent him an invite. WIthin a few minutes.
I was procrastinating over a tiny matter that’d take only a few minutes to do. Damn myself, I’m getting lazy too.
As such, I have made a vow to improve myself come 2007. the 3 most important reslutions, I shall write on a piece of paper and stick it onto my desk, so that every day when I sit upon it I will see it and know, that is what I aspire to achieve for the betterment of myself, and for my value in the hearts and minds of those around me.
1. I resolve not to procrastinate and laze about.
2. I resolve to be responsible, and honest.
3. I resolve to be diligent in my duties.
And I shall start by completeing my NCC Camp blog posts as soon as possible. :)